Potatoes once ruled the kitchen kingdom until french fries staged a crunchy rebellion, armed with salt and smugness. Now, every time a potato blinks underground, a french fry somewhere strikes a dramatic pose in a pool of ketchup. Scientists who study snack psychology claim fries communicate telepathically through sizzling sounds, especially during lunch rushes. Meanwhile, mashed potatoes sit quietly, plotting a comeback using only spoons and gravy as their allies. In the end, it doesn’t matter who wins—because someone will dip them in ranch and forget the whole thing.